If the person closest to us is not on board with our goals, we invest in them until they naturally come on board.
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[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the No Alarms Club podcast.
[00:00:04] My name is Garrett.
[00:00:05] This is a podcast where we design a lifestyle around the idea that we don't have to wake up to alarms anymore.
[00:00:13] That means we work when we want. We work where we want. We work on whatever we want to work on.
[00:00:19]Most importantly, we don't have to commute anymore.
[00:00:23]Right now we are working through the book Overlap by Sean McCabe at seanwes.com.
[00:00:32]We're on chapter eight, which is titled Get People On Board.
[00:00:38]We need to tell everyone our goals.
[00:00:42] It's not enough to just tell them.
[00:00:44] We need to hire a plane and have it written in the sky so they see it.
[00:00:52]I'm just kidding. That would be terrible for the environment and our bank accounts.
[00:00:58]For real though, we need to make sure everyone around us knows our goals.
[00:01:04]They can't just know them.
[00:01:06] They also need to be in support of them.
[00:01:09] I don't mean they need to support us financially.
[00:01:12] That would be really cool, but it's unlikely any of us are experiencing that.
[00:01:16] That's why we're here.
[00:01:18]We need everyone around us to support us emotionally and support our goals.
[00:01:24] They need to be on board.
[00:01:27]If they're not onboard, there'll be dragging us down and that is completely unacceptable.
[00:01:33] We can't have that.
[00:01:35]Now we can cut some people from our lives but it's unlikely that we can cut everyone from our lives, who doesn't support us.
[00:01:45]Some of those people we don't want to cut.
[00:01:47] We just want them to support us.
[00:01:49] If there is someone who absolutely will not support your goals, you pretty much need to cut them.
[00:01:56]If you can't cut them because they're something like a family member or an adjoined twin, you'll have to minimize your time dealing with them.
[00:02:07]If they are an adjoined twin, I don't know how you would do that.
[00:02:10] Maybe work on your overlap while they're sleeping.
[00:02:13] I don't know.
[00:02:14]If you have an adjoined twin, please reach out to me and let me know how you would do that.
[00:02:21]Hopefully, if you haven't joined twin there.
[00:02:25]They're on your side.
[00:02:27] That was terrible. I'm sorry.
[00:02:29]I don't think I can finish this episode now after I make a joke like that.
[00:02:34]Okay. Getting back on topic.
[00:02:36] Luckily, most people are able to be brought on board.
[00:02:41]Chances are the bulk majority of the people in our life will be onboard or able to be brought onboard.
[00:02:49]They might not be on board now but we'll get them there.
[00:02:53]It all starts with communication.
[00:02:57] It's pretty much the crux of everything in life.
[00:03:01]I'm going to use the example of partners for the rest of this.
[00:03:08] So we'll be talking about how to get our partner on our side, as in like your spouse.
[00:03:13] But you can replace that with whoever it is in your life that this episode makes you think of.
[00:03:19] It could be your mom or your dad. Could be your partner. Could be your best friend.
[00:03:24]But for the sake of simplicity in making a podcast episode we're gonna just use partner as the example.
[00:03:34]You have to communicate your goal with your partner.
[00:03:38] You pretty much have to tell them every day until they can repeat it back to you.
[00:03:44]And then you're also going to want to maintain it past that as well.
[00:03:48]You can probably be much less annoying at that point once they can repeat it back to you.
[00:03:54]Sean says it's enough only when you hear your goal come out of their mouth.
[00:04:01] I haven't tried this yet with my partner but I will, after I record this episode.
[00:04:09]Another thing I'm going to do is put a big personal goal tracking calendar next to our shared wall calendar.
[00:04:18] We have a shared wall calendar just outside my office door and that's where we write all of our appointments and stuff like that.
[00:04:28]That way we can both keep track of what each other is up to.
[00:04:33]And make sure that we're not making double booked plans or interrupting something important.
[00:04:41]This other calendar will have my goal written at the top of it and a space to draw a big X on every day that I do something working towards my goal.
[00:04:52]We'll talk more about that goal calendar in the next episode.
[00:04:57]The idea actually comes from the comedian, Jerry Seinfeld.
[00:05:02]We also previously talked about our list of 20 things that will get us closer to our goal.
[00:05:10]As a quick reminder, we should be doing one of the things on the list each day.
[00:05:16]And that's what my goal calendar is for.
[00:05:19]I will put a big X every day that I do something from that list.
[00:05:25]I will also be able to remind my partner and myself what the goal is because it will be there every day.
[00:05:35]Of course to reinforce it I'll be saying it out loud as well.
[00:05:40]If you can't communicate your goal, that is 110% your fault.
[00:05:47]If your partner, just doesn't seem to get it, that is also your fault.
[00:05:54] The burden of communication is on the communicator, not the receiver.
[00:06:00] So if they don't get it, you need to do whatever it takes to find a way for them to get it.
[00:06:09] You might have to reword it.
[00:06:12]You might just have to repeat it every day until they get it.
[00:06:15]You can do what I'm doing and write it somewhere they'll see it every day.
[00:06:20]As the person with the goals, it's our responsibility to get it through to our partner.
[00:06:26]We can't stop until we do that.
[00:06:29]They don't get it until they can repeat it back to us.
[00:06:33]Repeating the goal back to us isn't enough.
[00:06:37] They have to be on board.
[00:06:40] Just repeating it doesn't prove that they're on board.
[00:06:42] It just proves that they know it.
[00:06:44]It's only the first step.
[00:06:46] The second step is getting them onboard.
[00:06:49] The best way to get someone on board is to invest in them first.
[00:06:54] People are naturally reciprocal.
[00:06:56] It's just a part of human nature that when someone does something for us, we feel the need to do it for them and vice versa.
[00:07:05]We need to invest completely in our partner first.
[00:07:09] We need to invest in their goals.
[00:07:11] We need to invest in their dreams.
[00:07:13] We need to sit down and find out what these goals are and invest in them first.
[00:07:20] It might take weeks. It might take months.
[00:07:23]If their goals are as big as ours, it'll probably take years.
[00:07:28] It doesn't matter.
[00:07:29] We're not going to be selfish.
[00:07:32] We are going to be patient.
[00:07:35] We will put everything into our partner's goals until they achieve them.
[00:07:41] Only then will our partners do the same for us.
[00:07:46] If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right.
[00:07:49]Okay. I know I just said this, but it's worth repeating.
[00:07:51] It doesn't matter how long it takes.
[00:07:54] If we're going to pursue our own goals, we're going to do it right.
[00:08:00] We want our partner on board because if they're not there's a chance that things won't turn out the way we want them to.
[00:08:08] There's a lot of different ways that it could go.
[00:08:11]The biggest thing that I'm personally concerned about is that I would achieve these goals but at the cost of the relationship.
[00:08:20] That is not a risk I'm willing to take.
[00:08:23] My relationship with my partner is extremely important to me and I don't think I could do it without her.
[00:08:30]Which means when I get there and the goals are complete if she's not there, then that sucks.
[00:08:35] I don't have her to celebrate the victories and the success with and that's unacceptable for me.
[00:08:42] That's not the life that I want to live.
[00:08:44]The way to prevent this from happening is to invest in our partners until they have achieved what they want and then they will be happy to invest in us.
[00:08:55]What if your partner doesn't have any goals?
[00:08:59] You still need to make sure that they're onboard with yours.
[00:09:02]For example, my partner has been discussing going back to school for some time, but hasn't yet decided on what to study.
[00:09:11]That's pretty reasonable.
[00:09:13] Considering the cost of college is ridiculous.
[00:09:17] And so if you're going to spend all that money, you might as well think pretty hard about what it is you're going to be spending the money on.
[00:09:25] Not to mention the time it takes to sit there and do the classwork and listen to the lectures and take the tests and pass.
[00:09:35]When she does figure it out I am all in on it.
[00:09:39] I think that's super cool.
[00:09:41] I already told her, and it might be something I should remind her of, but I've told her in the past that I'd be willing to take on more hours so that she can work less if she has to, to get her degree faster.
[00:09:54] Or if there's classes that are particularly tough and she needs to spend extra time on them.
[00:10:01]For her to get out of her current job and get into something better, this is all totally worth it to me.
[00:10:08]Until then I'm going to keep working on my goals.
[00:10:12] There's not really any reason for me to put them on hold right now, I don't think, because she's not currently working towards any goals.
[00:10:22]When that becomes the case, then I don't mind putting mine on hold to make sure that hers are achieved.
[00:10:29]If there's anything I can do to help make them achievable, I will absolutely do it.
[00:10:35] If we're going to do this, we need to do it the right way or not at all.
[00:10:38]This is me doing it the right way, because not at all is not an answer.
[00:10:43]There's one more part to all of this and that is getting accountability.
[00:10:52]Sean in this chapter points out three types of accountability.
[00:10:57] There's public accountability, there's partner accountability, and there's personal accountability.
[00:11:02]With public accountability, we tell the world what we're up to.
[00:11:08]This could be through keeping a blog or maybe YouTubing.
[00:11:14]In my case, it's this podcast; this is my public accountability.
[00:11:18] You are listening to this right now and I'm telling you the things.
[00:11:23] And if I don't show up, it's embarrassing.
[00:11:26]This is episode 21, actually. That's a lot of episodes.
[00:11:30] That's the most episodes I have ever personally put into a podcast.
[00:11:34]It's growing every episode and I don't want to stop that.
[00:11:39]I don't want to disappoint my listeners.
[00:11:41] That's public accountability.
[00:11:42]Another option is to just post daily on your social media.
[00:11:47]That still counts as public accountability.
[00:11:50] In fact, that's a fantastic way to grow an audience.
[00:11:54] We talked about that in episode 13 of the podcast titled Practice In Public.
[00:12:02] Back then we were reading Real Artists Don't Starve by Jeff Goins.
[00:12:06]And I'm pretty sure this is something that will come up again later in Overlap.
[00:12:12]Partner accountability is what we've been talking about this whole time.
[00:12:17] It's getting our partner onboard, but also them holding us accountable.
[00:12:24]My partner is really great at this.
[00:12:27] She knows when I need to get something done, she will do what she can to motivate me to go sit down in my computer chair and get it done.
[00:12:37] It's really great and I really appreciate it a lot.
[00:12:40] Usually, she just says something silly like you're not allowed to kiss me until it's done.
[00:12:46]That makes it a win for both of us when I finish but it's also a lose for both of us until then.
[00:12:54]That's how I know she's on board.
[00:12:58] She is willing to be right there next to me, suffering for the goal.
[00:13:03]Find someone who is that way with you.
[00:13:07]Personal accountability is being accountable to yourself.
[00:13:13] Most people are terrible at this and I am absolutely one of them.
[00:13:20] I don't hold myself accountable for crap.
[00:13:22]I just really don't care about letting myself down.
[00:13:26] In fact, I can't let myself down because it's just not part of my worldview.
[00:13:31]Most of the time, I just tell myself, eh, whatever I'll do it later.
[00:13:35]What really motivates me though is not letting others down.
[00:13:39] That's... that's when I get really motivated.
[00:13:42] And that's how most people are.
[00:13:44] We still need to learn to be personally accountable towards ourselves.
[00:13:51] We need to stop letting ourselves get away with unnecessary failure.
[00:13:56]Today, right now, we need to get out and get publicly accountable.
[00:14:03] This is me being publicly accountable right here.
[00:14:07] So don't you dare let me stop showing up.
[00:14:10]Your action item for this episode is to start being publicly accountable.
[00:14:16] Start posting on social media, start a blog, start a podcast, maybe start making YouTube videos.
[00:14:24]Whatever it is, you need to be publicly accountable.
[00:14:30]Another action item that's important is to make sure you have the conversation with your partner about goals.
[00:14:38]Invest in theirs if the time is right for that.
[00:14:41]Only you two can figure that out. I can't give you that answer.
[00:14:45]That's all I have for you this episode.
[00:14:49] I would like to thank you for listening.
[00:14:51] I know there's a lot of podcasts out there to listen to.
[00:14:55] Many, many, many hours of podcasts.
[00:14:59] That's why I don't have any commercials.
[00:15:01] I try to keep this right to the point.
[00:15:05]I try not to ramble on too much.
[00:15:08]Your time is important to you, and it is important to me.
[00:15:12] If you enjoy this podcast please share it with someone you know that would benefit from it.
[00:15:21] If you could also take a little bit of time to leave a review, I would greatly appreciate that as well.
[00:15:28] You can check out all of our previous episodes at NoAlarmsClub.com.
[00:15:33]Future episodes will also be there.
[00:15:36]And I will see you in the next episode.